"All the best people are crazy. " -Mad Hatter, Melanie Martinez
In a somewhat relevant fangirl rant, I've recently come to the conclusion that I am weak for the obscure genre of chaotic neutral/evil, morally gray, psycho diva, twisted amusement park vibes. As one does. Think Harley Quinn and Jinx, for example. My playlists have been filled with songs by AViVA, Neoni, Ellise, and Melanie Martinez. Given the concerned looks from some of my friends, I had to do some soul-searching. Of course, I've already worked out most of my issues with my therapist over the past few years. But then a friend asked me, "Why do you think you like this genre?" And now I have to wonder, why exactly do I feel so empowered listening to these songs or so obsessed watching these characters on screen?
Okay, but Jinx's first appearance after the time jump in Arcane had me banging my hands on the table. Her little inventions and graffiti warnings went so well with her aesthetic, and I still cannot get over her transition from Powder. Her voice? Her fit?? Her confidence in battle??? Another reason why I'm so drawn to her is her struggle to determine what's real and what's in her head, to hold onto her love for her sister while desperately trying not to get hurt again. As someone who lives with BPD, I relate more to her than I would like to admit. I know all too well the long war against one's own mind.
To further reflect upon this connection, I found a lot of similarities between the main character Zero from my debut novel Welcome to the Damned. I always like to say that my writings are like time capsules, because they capture what I was obsessed with, what problems I faced, and what feelings I had. I would say that WttD encapsulates a lot of the mental health issues I dealt with in high school, and most of my projections landed on Zero, even though Rovis and Tal also carried the dark parts of teenager me.
Jinx is like the combination of Zero and Tal. If Zero had Tal's theatrics and body count, she would be Jinx. But in this blog I want to meander through the parallels I see in the two girls, with no real aim or destination of thought.
"There is no absolution for monsters like her." -Welcome to the Damned
First thing you should know about me is that I am a sucker for sibling relationships. My brother is the most important person in my life, so all my writings have a sibling duo to die for, and every time a show or book has one, too, it instantly goes up in my ratings. Vi and Powder's falling out had me sobbing in bed. I was hunting down every single detail of Jinx's soft spot for her sister after the time jump. Similarly, Tal and Rovis are like brothers to Zero, with plenty of issues of their own, and I hope my writing has the same effect on readers as the Arcane writers had on me. Yes, I'm the type of author to bathe in the tears of her readers. Sorry!
Rovis and Zero have a long history that has led them to become strangers by the beginning of WttD. Bits and pieces of their past are revealed throughout the novel, but it's clear that she experienced some kind of misunderstood betrayal from him the same way Jinx did from Vi. Although, unlike Jinx, Zero has already decided that their relationship is dead and does not expect him to choose her ever again. I replay the scene where Jinx lit up the flare for Vi to find her over and over again in my head, because it was just so heartbreaking that she had already become a person that she doesn't think Vi would love and that Vi would leave, yet she was still holding out hope that her sister would come back for her. Zero, on the other hand, was the one who tracked Rovis down years after they parted ways, and the two of them pretended they never knew each other when they first reunited. While both Zero and Jinx had complex and mixed feelings about seeing someone they used to trust again, Zero, I'd say, was even worse at communicating than Jinx. By that, I mean there was no communication at all.
Zero's relationship with Tal, on the other hand, starts off in a much better state at the beginning of the book, but everything falls apart by the end of it... Stay tuned for my sequel!
Another similarity between Zero and Jinx is their hallucinations of close friends, whose deaths remain on their conscience even after years. This kind of mental trauma that they've both experienced kind of physicalizes their insecurities and fears and guilt into the voices of their lost ones. It goes to show that amount of pain they've been in and the torment they continue to put themselves through, even if it does not excuse their harmful actions. And that they really need therapy. Zero gets some, but her self-destructive tendencies prevent her from taking full advantage of it.
While I don't hallucinate voices in my head (except for that one time 2.5 years ago), I know all too well the war that goes inside when you're trying to figure out reality from muddled thoughts and mental illnesses that want you to believe the worst in everything. It's like a dark haze that shrouds your mind, oftentimes to the point of dissociation, and you're just doing everything you can to trudge through it. That's why I love and relate to Jinx, in spite of all the awful things she's done, and hope that readers find my book and feel the same about Zero. I also hope that people who understand what I'm venting about in this blog are on the road to recovery, because we all deserve to get better.
To find out more about my book, you can check out its page on my website and the 5-star Readers' Favorite review. Cheers to the mentally unstable who are doing their best <3
Comments